My answer is: Feeling can come back, but the process is backwards from the way it was the first time. How in the world can you get back to opening yourself up to someone who has hurt you? How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? You are torn because it would be good to keep the relationship but the feelings just aren’t there. Now, just suppose the two of you want to maintain the marriage. When this continues, the commonalities aren’t so apparent. But even ignoring a spouse when he or she is talking is betrayal.
The betrayal doesn’t have to be as raw as cheating, although it can be that. You have opened up your soul you’ve been vulnerable, and what did you get for it? You got hurt and betrayed. So what’s “falling out of love”? The answer is: betrayal. The surface includes a host of differences, but deep down you’ll find the sameness.) (Incidentally, if you don’t see this, you do have to plumb the depths to find it. That’s part two (how you feel about your partner). Not only is this person validating you, but his very being (because it’s so much like yours) validates you all the more. And what did you find inside your partner’s heart and soul? A self that is very similar to yours!Īlthough opposites do attract, the fundamental, deep-down attraction comes from a reflection of oneself. As you let him or her into your private self, your partner did the same. Part two (how you feel about your partner) flows from this. You feel exhilarated because after carefully letting down your guard to someone, this person has appreciated having been given the tremendous gift of you. That is part one (how your partner makes you feel). What could be a better experience than that? This person, in return, continues to be intrigued by that process of knowing you, and wants more. So you have allowed one person into your inner world, in the course of being together, and each step of the way you felt understood. Knowing the other person, genuinely knowing, is the cornerstone of intimacy. Therefore, it’s impossible for them to validate you. There may be people you have dated who feel as though they love you, but in your opinion, they don’t know you. Only someone who has plunged your depths and finds you amazing, special, and wonderful can offer this level of validation.
The one person with whom it works proves to you, in the course of being together, that he or she really gets who you are. Many people can try to give you this message but it doesn’t work with other people. You get a clear, bright, and shiny message of validation of yourself as a person. So what is it you’re receiving when you fall in love?
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